The Not-So-Golden Zone

One of those rather unpleasant facets to living in an area where it gets cold in the winter is the invariable outbreak of winter illness. I've recently gotten nailed with quite a nasty virus that has taken me over a week to recover from. While the main symptoms seem to have left me, one hasn't-- I'm incredibly congested, especially near my ears. This doesn't appear to be going away soon. The net result is that my hearing is, for the moment, shot. Too much time spent reviewing lately has left me unable to listen to any change in my system without feeling the need to describe what it's doing, and I'm thinking maybe there's a product to be found here...

Sick Ears: Miraculous New Audio Technology!

Are you tired of the never-ending race to stay competitive with your audio system? After all, it is a tiresome, never- ending quest that, if you're like most audiophiles, can quickly consume all of your cash and most of your life. If this is your problem, try the latest product from Medical Audio Research, fabulous Sick Ears! You'll never be jealous of your friends' superior setups again.

Most audio technologies focus on the wrong end of the reproduction chain. After all, even expensive changes to your equipment only produce minor alterations in how things sound. With MAR Sick Ears, you can bypass all this tedious tweaking and head right for the most important part of your playback system, your ears themselves! Our easily installed upgrade will give you glorious Sick Ear capabilities. Here are some of the benefits:

• Our patented Low Dynamic Range processing means that only the grossest of volume changes will be audible to you. In addition, LDR ensures that higher SPL levels will actually become painful! Get rid of those expensive high- power amplifiers, because with LDR you'll only need a watt or two to produce ear-splittingly high volumes.

   

  Top-End Flattening filters will remove all of the upper frequency information on the recordings you listen to. If you think tubes soften a harsh treble, just wait until you hear what TEF does. No more endless days wasted chasing after that last bit of air on your system means that you can actually get the time to experience the air outside of your listening room! Even the worst digital recordings will sound just fine to you, which means you'll no longer want all those expensive gold versions of everything.

   

  An optional upgrade to Sick Ears, Selective Clogging, can alter the balance between your ears so radically that you're unable to image anything. With that enhancement, you can halve your speaker purchases and return to a mono system with no apparent loss of fidelity!

Now, you might think that any upgrade this significant would have to be frowned upon by your significant other. Nothing could be further from the truth! Sick Ears has the highest SAF of any high-end product you can buy, we guarantee it. And if you have kids, they'll love how Sick Ears gives you more time to pay attention to them as well.

Available now, for less than you'd expect, Sick Ears will revolutionize how you interact with your audio system. Suitable for both tweako fanatics and ABX devotees, nothing else is quite like Sick Ears. Contact Medical Audio Research to find out how you can use the latest in virus technology to make your system sound just like the best in the world to you!

.....GS
gsmith@westnet.com